My Client’s Body Is Broken

Tucson Doulas - Tucson's Best

My Client’s Body is Broken – aka the problem with many doulas these days.

Birth Doula Tucson

It happens all the time in doula forums. A doula comes to the group and is desperate for ways to help make her client’s labor efficient. The breakdown goes a little something like this:

“My client has been in labor for (insert random #of hours or days here) with contractions that are stop and start. They range from 8-10+ minutes apart and then stop completely for hours at a time. What can we do to get this labor to be more productive?”

And then the replies start:

  • ”Baby might be malpositioned. Try hands and knees, miles circuit, three sisters.”
  • “Do Walcher’s to get baby engaged!” This one is the one that drives me totally bonkers and it’s suggested so frequently we should make it part of a “terrible suggestions for prodromal labor” drinking game! Because it…

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How to Be a Ladyperson at the Holidays: 10 Important Tips

All of these.

Straight from the ad pages of your favorite magazines, here’s your guide to being a girl in December. Take notes.

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1. Stay cozy. Wear a baby.

wear a baby If you play your cards right, your sensitive, goateed dad/boyfriend/professor will reward you with a pair of socks made out of his extra sweater sleeves.

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2. Flaunt your complexity.

Embrace all your many dimensions. Think: "I'm an heiress and an Italian professor at this upscale tropical funeral." Show off all your many dimensions at once. When planning outfits for your holiday soirées, think: “I’m an heiress and an Italian professor at this upscale tropical funeral.”

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3. Represent feminine softness in a hard masculine world.

coach All around you are skyscrapers made of bricks and iron and glass and ouchy things. They’re all pointy and hard. But not you. You’re a soft pink flower in a gentle haze of light. Everything around you is blooming, because you breathed springtime into winter. You’re a superfresh candypants sugarblossom.

 * * *

4. If you’re truly hot, you…

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